Why adoption?

So I thought I'd take a few minutes today to talk about why we chose adoption as our family plan.  After my pregnancy with Gabriel we were planning on trying again.  We found out after I delivered that I have a blood clotting disorder.  It isn't very serious, and I only need to take precautions if I am having surgery or pregnant.  The good news is that because of the PICC line we were already taking precaution against blood clotting by being on a blood thinner - the bad news is that even with that Gabriel still died.  We aren't 100% sure that was the reason that he died, but there is a good chance.  We had testing done on him after I delieverd and there didn't seem to be anything wrong with him.  I must say that when he died everyone kept telling me to not blame myself and I didn't!  I felt like I was getting the best medical care that I could, and staying on bed rest all the time.  but after finding out about the blood clotting then I did blame myself some.  So anyways, we found out that there was some stuff that I'd be able to do to combat against that - part of which was take an insane amount of vitamins for the months leading up to pregnancy and part of which was once I was pregnant having 2 blood thinners a day (that didn't thrill me because that was the injections in my stomach)  We decided to wait and start trying in the fall.  I wanted the summer to be able to feel good and get my body back  to somewhat normal.  It was a scary prospect to get pregnant again, but we felt like it would be easier knowing what to expect.  For hyperemesis the best course of treatment is to treat early and agressivly. So we met with my doctor and got a plan together and I started taking a billion vitamins a day.  Once it came down to trying it got scarier and scarier, I kept thinking that I'd give anything to not go through that again.  It seemed like each month something came up that made it so that we didn't try - and we ended up only trying for one month.  After that month I booked a trip for Tad's birthday so we decided to wait and try again in January, and then it just seemed like there was no good time to expect the next 9 months you would be absolutely useless. We also knew that no matter what there was still no guartentees that the next baby would live.  So after a few more months of not trying, we decided to check out other options.  This was a really sad decision for me.  I had to mourn the loss of another pregnancy, of being able to feel the baby moving and giving birth with joy.  I kept thinking of the things that I would miss out on that other women got to experience and it made me so sad, but at the same time I knew that I didn't have the option of a 'normal' pregnancy, so I just had to accept the idea that it wasn't for me.  Pregnancy is still not out of the question but we know that if we have a child by another means that it will be nearly impossible for me to decide to miss out on their life for my pregnancy.  When I was pregnant with Gabriel - my mom told me that I'd need to wait until my dad retired before trying for #2 because she wouldn't be able to take care of me full time and a baby.  Luckily for me my dad just retired a few weeks ago :)  So if I ever were to get pregnant after we had a child I know that I'd have their support and care which I appreciate so much.  We looked some into surrogacy, we had one serious offer from a friend - which is so overwhelming, I can't begin to tell you the love that I will always have for her, to be willing to share your body for 9 months is not something that we take lightly.  Unfortuantely her insurance would not cover a surrogate pregnancy, and ours would not cover someone who was not on our insurance, so we did not go ahead with it. Tad and I know that we will love any child that is ours no matter if they are biological or adopted, but we would love to have a surrogate carry a child for us someday, we'd love to see what a combination of our genes would make, what they would take from each of us.  Before we had kids I told him that it would be his luck that we would have all boys, but they would end up with my super short height and zero athletic ability ;)  I am always fascinated with genetics and how people turn out different or alike from their parents or siblings, so I would love to see what type of person we would create. So now onto adoption :) Tad and I always thought that we'd adopt.  I always wanted a big family (Tad said we'd take it one at a time) A few years before we got pregnant we thought for about 2 days that we might have a chance to adopt - there was a baby that was going to be aborted unless someone wanted to adopt it.  There was another couple that we knew, who was deciding if they wanted it, and so we decided if they turned it down we would absolutely adopt that baby.  The other couple decided to go ahead with it, so we were sad, but we were very happy that the baby would live even if it wasn't with us.  Little did we know at the time that a few years later we would have fought tooth and nail for that opportunity!  We are very excited to be adopting even though it hasn't been an easy process and we are excited to meet the child that God brings into our lives.  Who knows what the future will hold as far as our other children.  Maybe someday we will have the opportunity to find someone who would be willing to carry a child for us, or maybe someday a miracle drug will hit the market and I will attempt another pregnancy, or maybe we will adopt all future children, but for now we are just hopeful that our turn will be soon.  We appreciate all the prayers that you all have sent our way.  This last month hasn't been easy, but we are trying to be greatful for what we do have in our lives - each other, a wonderful family who loves and supports us, and many friends, a lot of whom have been through a similar journey who are there to remind us that someday it will be worth it.  Sending much love to all who read and follow along with us.